Sex Ed: A totally hilarious and uplifting romantic comedy by Kristen Bailey

Author:Kristen Bailey [Bailey, Kristen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781805080152
Publisher: Storm Publishing
Published: 2023-07-03T18:30:00+00:00

ED

So, this morning may not have been an actual emergency but the kiss last night with Caitlin was a big moment. It was perfect. I can either capitalise on that or do what I always do and back away in fear and self-loathing. So I called Mia because she is the oracle in all of these matters and her tactics have worked well so far, but also because she was the first and only person I thought to tell this morning. I’m not sure why.

‘So, the rabbit ears bit stimulates the clit while the main bit of the vibrator goes inside you…’

I like how both of us are lying on my bed in our underwear, our arms propping ourselves up, putting together sex toys like we’re making very sexy Lego.

‘Did you get batteries?’ she asks me.

Oh no. I pull a face.

‘Ed!’ she says, shocked. ‘You’re normally so prepared. Take them out of that remote control,’ she instructs me. I do as I’m told and she inserts them in the vibrator and it starts to buzz in her hand. Her eyes light up in a way I’ve not seen before.

‘So this bit is the remote; you can control the strength and speed of the buzzing. The buzzing is what will help you because you hold this near her clit while you’re inside her and her world will implode.’

‘So don’t put it in her?’

Mia bobs her head from side to side. ‘You know, you have a decent wanger, Ed. Use the wanger first. Then use this to give her a more complete pleasure experience.’

I nod. ‘Thank you for the compliment about my…’

‘Wanger…?’

‘Is that what we’re calling it? I shouldn’t call it that, right? When referring to it…?’

‘No. Give it another name.’

‘What? Like Charles?’ I try to joke. She collapses on the bed in hysterics.

‘It’s your COCK. That’s the only acceptable word when talking about it in the moment. Not pecker, willy, peeny, man-meat, definitely not a name… or we will laugh.’ She smiles at me and sits back up. ‘But yes, yours is fine. Decent girth and length, not too much foreskin.’

I will take that compliment. ‘You also have a very lovely body, Mia,’ I say, trying to return the compliment.

She pouts and shakes her head. ‘Try that again but sexily.’

I take a pause to understand what she means. Like with a French accent and an eyebrow raised or an octave lower? I think back to lines of conversation she once showed me on Tinder.

‘Your tits are outstanding…?’ I say, a little hesitantly.

‘Did you just give my tits an OFSTED report?’

I nod. She laughs and I bury my face in my bed. She pats me on the head.

‘Don’t be mean, I’m trying so hard,’ I say in muffled tones.

‘I’ll give you some books to read, films to watch so you can learn some lines,’ she reassures me. ‘You’re getting there. You had full conversations with Caitlin, you kissed her at the sink. It’s progress. This is not the same Ed from three weeks ago.

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